what is wrong

So... what is wrong with me? Basically from just now i had been sitting at my place doing nothing... nothing related to what i am supposed to do now. empty sketching papers spread blankly in front of me, blank mind, blank papers.  
Am Cleaning the extra files in my laptop, clear some free some space out, hate to see the bar turn red. I supposed that's what i try to do with my mind now, clearing and clearing.....

I was wondering where was the me in the past. I am lost now. As u said i need to find a way to climb back up the hill, where I can see everything clearly. I want to find back the me in the past, which is more hardworking, more polite and doesn't scold bad words. Ahhhhh..... still a blank mind, i guess i'm just lazy to think.

What happened that day really got my mind blow up and think. I just got scolded really badly coz i said the word shit in front of her. You are right, girls carry bad words in their mouth is not a decent way to behave. I know i cant help myself from saying those words when i got stress up. I'll just had to try my best to find other words to replace them. I'll do it for u and myself. i cant promised u to change in a few days. The bad behaviors took many years to build up, in exchange they need a period of time to recover back to the way they are.

Sometimes it got myself surprise on how I behave on certain things. I need to think b4 i let my place to the elder person, i got into other people's line, patience in me deteriorating, time management isn't getting any better, easily influenced, laziness crawling all over me! Gosh... could things get any worse? i hope they wouldn't. I need to prepare myself for the dream to study in New Zealand. I need to proof to her that i'm mature enough to go out on my own, alone to a far away land. Clearly I wasn't qualify now.

I give myself one year to prepare. All the best to me. : )
I would like to look back at this page a year later and say, yeah! I changed!